Making a Difference

This On-Purpose^® Minute may rattle your cage a bit as I challenge what might be a hidden and unproductive point of view coloring your daily experience. More importantly, it may be setting the trajectory of your life far lower than it was designed to be.

Trials and errors in life are inevitable, but “trial and error” does not need to define our life approach.

As clarity around who you are comes to light, you’ll discover a greater sense of peace despite the circumstances. Yes, the trials and errors will still come, but they won’t toss you about as they have in the past. Be clear about who you are and whose you are.

The On-Purpose Approach is a strategic approach where you think and plan in order to advance that which is most important to you.  If things go “wrong,” then chances are you’re able to better isolate the problem, address it faster and better, and get back on track.

In trial and error mode, everything appears to blow up all at once. Panic sets in as the matter appears to be overwhelming. The temptation is to throw up one’s arms a quit. And this, unfortunately, begins another round of trial and error with lessons for improvement unlearned, confidence shaken, and more time passing. Done repeatedly it’s a tragic waste of a human life.

How does “Trial & Error Living” affect us?

Here’s a true account of a business client from years ago. My client came to me down and discouraged because his business was losing money and he wanted to sell it soon before the bottom fell out.

In reviewing the business, I realized that if he were to sell it there were a few things he could do to “window dress” or clean it up for sale that would make it far more appealing to a buyer. In anticipation of the sale, we began to make some of these small changes and tweaks to his systems.

Two months later, my client called to say he no longer wanted to sell the business because it was making money again; he was thrilled and wanted to keep it. Oddly enough, about a year later, he called me wanting to sell the business again because it was losing money again albeit after a substantial growth in sales.

We went through the same cycle—cleaning up a few things for the sale and the revenues turning around. It happened yet a third time in 18 months. The third time, however, the pattern of his emotional swings rather than the business matters caught my attention.

His business was basically sound, but there was something “wrong” with the business owner. Why was he on such an emotional roller coaster? The pattern was apparent—when the business showed bottom-line profits, he was happy. When the business showed bottom-line losses, he was sad.

It struck me that his emotional well-being was tied to a monthly financial statement. The P&L report literally colored his world in 30-day increments. Good news—good life. Bad news—bad life.

That’s interesting, but here’s where it got fascinating. I asked him if he knew how to read a financial statement. Of course not. He knew sales was the top number and profit and loss was the bottom number but everything in between was meaningless to him.

In effect, his emotional stability was tied to what was seemingly a random event—profit or loss.

He was a hard worker, but some months he made money and other months he lost money—it all appeared to be random to him. He was living in trial and error mode.

I gave him a basic primer on financial statements and had him enroll at the local community college in a course called “Finance for Non-Financial People.” Once he understood his financial statements, he gained control of his business and, frankly, his emotions were not subject to the seeming randomness of the financial well-being of his business.

• Within two years he had doubled his business.
• He doubled it again by buying out his closest competitor.
• He ran his business for another 10 years and eventually sold it for a handsome sum and is still living a good life off the profits he made.

He moved from trial and error to being proactive. Instead of running from his problems and ignorance, he ran into them and became educated.

Here’s the point: trial and error mode isn’t necessarily random.

Once we realize our contribution to the “randomness,” we can actually take action to make our lives much more predictable and emotionally stable and calm. Look around to see if the “randomness” is affecting other people or if they seem to be on top of it. If others have it mastered then that’s a clue to you that you’re self-selecting trial and error over leadership and learning.

• Improve your odds of success by looking for ways to reduce your variables.
• Be strategic instead of stuck in trial and error mode.
• Certainty isn’t possible, but do your share to improve your chances of success and you’ll grow as a person and find life isn’t so crazy after all.

Sometimes the greatest benefit of a business advisor like me or a life coach isn’t what we know technically. Rather it is our outside perspective to look into your life and simply ask, “Why are you doing it that way?”

So, why are you living in trial and error mode when you could be on-purpose?

One of Life’s Great Questions is, “How Can I Make A Difference?” It is an important question because it generally reflects an early mile-marker on the road toward a life of meaning, significance, and purpose. Realistically, it is a road filled with character-building potholes and detours for all but the fortunate few who scrape by relatively unscathed with the proverbial “stuff” happens.

Asking the question is an indicator of getting beyond oneself and thinking about the well-being of others. Here’s the beginning of maturity. Age is irrelevant because the desire to make a difference is an attitude of the heart.

Making a difference with one’s life is a process of becoming a leader. While a heroic act may have a defining element of difference-making and reveal strength of character in a moment, true difference making is a way of life being lived in service.

Few us will ever have that truly heroic moment of a dramatic rescue. In fact, our contribution is more likely in the ordinary, seemingly mundane, aspects of life. This is being a player in the game of life–a daily contributor. Placing yourself into the life of others at home, at work, or at play are all opportunities to give expression to your purpose is subtle ways, often far from the public eye or accolades, but nevertheless still heroic.

Purpose is the Essential Ingredient

Your 2-word purpose statements begins with a generic set-up of, “I exist to serve by ….” Purpose is the primary source for the flow and development of your “difference making” capability and delivery. This matters over time as much as it does in a single act.

In fact, failing to act or to be the hero can be devastating to our psyche. Playing games of “what if” and “if only I had” are inevitable but ultimately counterproductive. Instead of being riddled with guilt or despair prepare for the next moment, the next and the next to be difference-making in the best sense of the concept.

Over the years, many a person has told me, “At some point in my life, I figured I needed to make a change in my life. I’ve discovered that my purpose is to make a difference.” While celebrating this important statement, I’ll ever so gently press and ask, “Have you considered how you are uniquely called to be a difference maker?” My hope is to move them toward a more specific understanding and depth of seeing their greater contribution in more specific terms.

You have the benefit of knowing your purpose in 2-words. It doesn’t any more specific than this. Leverage your advantage over your old, “I don’t know my purpose” self, to invest in giving your purpose greater expression in every life account. The inevitable byproduct of such gain is an attitude of gratitude and the overflowing desire to better serve others in any moment the opportunity presents itself. Watch, more often than not, you will be the right person at the right time.

To make a difference, first make a life for yourself.

Success is fleeting. So is failure! Much like the weather, success and failure are bound to be in constant change and motion. The current climate of your life does not define you. In fact, such changing conditions are essential ingredients to growth. Your conditions have an effect on your circumstances, but you are not defined by your conditions.

Your 2-word purpose defines you best. It is your best, most pure sense of identity. Here, you are either off-purpose or on-purpose. This carries no judgment of success or failure, only information so you can adequately adjust so you are on-purpose, truer to who you are.

The success-failure only viewpoint ultimately undermines being an on-purpose person in creation. This overly simplistic binary approach doesn’t account for the nuances of possible alternative outcomes. The win-lose only scenario too often raises the stakes beyond reasonable pressure. On one hand, this extrinsic pressure can motivate one to be super prepared to achieve success. On the hand, in the very moment when success or failure is on the line, the building pressure can overwhelm and cause one to choke resulting in failure.

Seeing success and failure as natural parts of your growing and improvement process is a healthy attitude. This isn’t to say that we’re to seek failure over success. Instead, factor in the opportunities found within “failure” as the alternative positive results of your endeavors. Such middle outcomes will redeem what might otherwise appear to be over dramatized as “a total loss.”

Only we can inflict total loss on ourselves. Within the “I Grow” introduction page, you can read my story of Don Budge, the first person, who truly gave me permission to lose as a tennis player, yet win in the process. For me to grasp that losing is an essential part of the long-term process of growing into a champion was freeing, especially when the person teaching this lesson is the first ever Grand Slam tennis champion.

Success and failure are typically external measures of expectations, goals, status, bank accounts, and other such extrinsic rewards. While there’s nothing inherently wrong the desire to material success and social standing, these are not the true measures of who you are.

Do you feel like a failure?

Choose How You Frame “Failure”

How you frame failure is more important to your overall wellbeing than any particular success-failure event. If you allow failure to define you as a “loser,” then you will condition yourself to be just that. Weighting one’s attitude and spirit to the point of discouragement and negativity will create the very outcomes and personality that fails. Oddly, you are winning at self-defeating because you’ve chosen it.

What if you embrace a different perspective? What if your perspective, not your current circumstance, is the problem? Stop looking outward and downward. Begin looking inward and upward to the freshness of the On-Purpose approach. This holds the key to flourishing. Start by knowing your purpose, owning it, and looking for ways to give it greater expression.

Edison’s Edge on Invention

Thomas Alva Edison, the great inventor, saw “failure” as information. (See the video clip “I Haven’t Failed” by my actor friend, Frank Attwood, who portrays Edison.) How many times have you tried and “failed” only to discover you were one step closer to success?

Gene Kranz, NASA Flight Director, in the movie Apollo 13 is attributed with saying, “Failure is not an option,” in the face of saving the crew in space. When failure isn’t an option, then what are the options?

• Learning
• Growth
• Preparation
• Creativity
• Exploration
• Work-arounds

Fresh and exciting options must open up!

When we live scared, then we live to avoid losing instead of playing to win. Such defensiveness means we will lose more often because opportunities will not come our way, but we’ll never know what we’ve missed. We’ll cry foul or conspiracy or glass wall or some other blame game. With this irresponsible mindset, the best we can do is hold steady or lose ground. A shaky self-defeating cycle is set up that once set in motion gains momentum and without intervention will overwhelm us with despair or worse.

Here’s what to do. Learn to play with reasoned abandon, a healthy (not full) detachment from failure or success. Rather, embrace the growth opportunity. Reasoned abandon may sound like an oxymoron, but it isn’t. It means that we’re disconnected specifically to the end result, so we’re able to be actually more highly focused on the matters at hand. This frees us to live for the sheer joy and moment, yet be aware that what we’re doing in the moment matters. Athletes call it being in “the zone.” It is preparation and hard work intersecting with opportunity and pleasure to produce meaningful results.

Try this and in time you’ll grow through your experiences and be on your way to true success. Turning “failures” into successes is what it means to be on-purpose person in creation.

Glenn Hettinger, AIA and founder of the amazing home book series, Distinctive Homes of America, and I have been friend since 1982. We get together once or twice a year to just hang out, eat together, and do mutual business consulting for one another. Although, Glenn gets the better end of that deal! ; )

Because Glenn lives in the Jacksonville, FL and I’m in Orlando, we often meet at Daytona Beach as a middle spot. It was here where Glenn took my photo with the rainbow in my hand.  But, that’s not why this photo matters. It was what happened after this shot was taken.

That, my friends, is The Sling Shot.

Glenn said to me, “One time in my life, I would like to do something like that before I die.”  Oh my gosh, that’s all I needed to hear.  “Let’s do it then, Glenn,” I said. “It’s like the movie, The Bucket List, grab opportunities when you can.  And so on June 24, 2008 around 7:30 PM, Glenn scratched one adventure item off of his ‘Bucket List” by parking are bottom in a big bucket and being flung high into the air.

What a privilege to be able to participate in such a simple request. And to have a bucket list buddy as well.

What about you?  Do you have a bucket list – a list of things you would like to do, see, achieve before you die?  Who do you know that has a dream that you can contribute to making it happen?  Seize the moment and give it your best shot… sling shot that is!