Living My Purpose Outwardly

Success takes on a different meaning for each of us. For those with high and noble ambitions success is mostly momentary. Yes, is achievement but success opens our eyes to new future vistas on the horizon to be reached by going back down the mountain, into the valley, and climbing the next higher mountaintop. It’s work disguised as adventure and the exploration of possibilities.

Far too often I suffer from feelings of failure because of all that I imagine and have yet to accomplish. I have to remind myself that frustration is not failure, and frustration fuels motivation.

Recognizing success is different, however, from resting in it. It’s odd how sometimes I can be restful and satisfied, yet at other times so restless and frustrated. What gives with that?

Unfulfilled ambition easily draws me into being a smaller, stingier, melancholy occupant of my being. I don’t like me in these flashes of embracing failure. My 30-plus–year quest of pioneering the planet to be on-purpose continues to be a financial battle to fund the next project on the horizon. Fighting feelings of frustration, nonrecognition, and financial shortfall wear away at my heart in doses of discouragement.

When I find myself tending toward hoarding and worry, I know for a fact that my better character is not at work. That devil of fear is pounding on the door of my heart and I have to decide whether to let him enter or tell him to go away.

To regain my sense of perspective and rejuvenation, I force myself to reconsider my personal and professional accomplishments over the long haul. Counting my current blessings fills me with a gracious gratitude and a spirit of generosity.

Whether it be decades of marriage, a son and daughter who make me proud, being a best-selling author, and more—much more. The fact remains that none of “my success” was done by me alone. I’ve been forever surrounded by a supportive cast of family, co-workers, friends, classmates, and colleagues who’ve each invested in my work and life. Love has uplifted everything “I’ve ever accomplished.”

I’ve also dealt with people who “throw bricks” by their stealing, cheating, lying, and taking advantage of me when I trusted. About every 7 years I get a major AFGE (Another Frigging Growing Experience) that keeps me from a sense of self-importance. These “lessons” make me wiser and stronger.

The biblical concept of the tithe (See The On-Purpose Person in the chapter titled “Giving”) is remarkably practical on this point of managing success and failure. Tithing is designed to be a joyful, intentional, and proportional (10+%) expression of our time, talent, and treasure (our success). For our benefit, the tithe offers us a periodic and healthy time for reflection regardless of the size of our accomplishments.

Giving can be off-purpose when used to control, manipulate, or lord it over another. Giving is free and without strings attached. Investment, however, comes with expectations, controls, terms, conditions, and covenants. You can be a giver and you can be an investor—just acknowledge the difference when you’re in the act.

When giving, discretion and discernment are our allies. Stewardship matters. We’re not to be gamblers in our giving but we are to take risks by stretching our comfort zones so our faith and trust are extended.

Giving freely, not from duty or obligation, is the healthy outpouring of a “successful” soul. This true success and giving are knit together. You can’t have one without the other.

 

Let’s dig into the true meaning of the root of prosperous—the word “prosper.” To prosper is mental state of being before it is reality. Therefore, it is a choice regardless of the external conditions. When you have a prosper mindset, conditions are seen through a different lens. Problems are opportunities. Challenges are puzzles to solve. When there appears to be no way, you keep seeking until you find a way.

A prosperous mindset is a giving mindset. I’m a member of the National Speakers Association. The influence of Cavett Roberts, our founder, is embodied in what’s called, The Spirit of Cavett. He said, “Don’t worry about how we divide up the pie, there’s enough for everybody. Let’s just build a bigger pie.” That sums it up.

Prosperity, Freedom, and The Pursuit of Happiness

Freedom and prosperity need each other. You can’t have one without the other. But if you can choose to have just one, then choose a prosperous mindset. Freedom will follow even if you’re being held in captivity against your will. Because you will pursue happiness even the pursuit alone is your source of happiness.

A dictionary is a wonderful record of history for the change in meaning of words over time, especially as slang moves into everyday conversations. In the past decades we’ve seen in certain contexts that bad can mean good, and cool can mean hot, and sick is amazing.

Sadly, modern usage can twist and dilute the profound, deep meaning and roots of words. Prosper has suffered a measure of this cheapening of meaning, especially the mutual aspect of the healthy win–win part. 

To prosper evokes happiness as the founders of the USA intended and used the word. In writing about the inalienable rights of man, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, et al. saw happiness as a mutual raising of the human mind and spirit while also in service to uplifting the human condition. The starting line in the pursuit of happiness is the desire to prosper. What gets you to the starting line is your purpose.

The Founders’ point of view was a win–win, rather than a narcissist’s zero-sum game of self-enriched winners at the expense of the “losers.” In essence, to prosper is to be fully for oneself AND fully for others.

What a wonderful ideal! In short, we’re each capable of being a hero instead of a heathen. Yes, it is a high bar, but the alternative is a scarcity mindset of dividing the pie and hoarding your pie.

“You may have dollars in your pocket, but you will never prosper until you are at peace with yourself.” The false notion that prosperity is purely financial sets us up for deep dissatisfaction. Prosperity is so much more than a bank account. It lives in our spirit and attitude and can trump our conditions.

Knowing your purpose empowers you to be more fully awakened and aware of who you are. This more intentional and healthier approach to life strengthens and emboldens you to live and lead in greater accord with the design of your life. Your purpose prepares you to serve, to give.

The centerpiece of the tagline for On-Purpose^® is the word Prosper. Within the On-Purpose Approach, each of us is invited to set our own standards for what it means to “Prosper.” This is why “Prosper” is preceded with “Be Yourself.”

To prosper means to succeed or thrive in a healthy way while helping others do the same. A “healthy way” translates into a measure of self-control, morality, and consciousness of the well-being of others. In other words, “to prosper” is a mutual objective rather than an individual enrichment.

My use of “Prosper” in the tagline may border on archaic but, please, let’s not let the rich inspiration and meaning of this important word get lost in time. To prosper is good for you, for me, for your neighbors, your country, and the planet. Embrace the ideal of being a person who prospers.

To prosper is good for…

• you
• me
• our neighbors
• our country
• our planet
• everything and everyone

Embrace the ideal of being a person who prospers.
As always, my hope and prayer is that you will be on-purpose and use the “tagline” to guide your personal leadership development and to guard your heart from the sin of self-importance while stretching into service.

If you want to make a difference with your life, the process is now before you about as simply stated as to be on-purpose.

May you truly prosper!

Stop “shoulding” on yourself and others.

Should is a powerfully debilitating word. It combines the spirit of good intention with a built-in disclaimer of failure. Unfortunately, should is more potent than wishful thinking, but far less honest. At least when we wish, we don’t necessarily have the expectation of it coming true. Should, however directive and well intended, is self-deceiving and leads to shame inducing.

Shoulds can be self proclaimed. Here are examples of typical shoulds:

• “I should lose 20 pounds.”
• “I should exercise more.”
• “I should call my mother.”
• “I should make that sales call.”
• “I should save more money.”
• “I should speak up for myself.”

These decrees of delusion are words tossed off our tongues so we sound like we’re on top of a matter and knowledgeable … when, truthfully, we are not committed. Words without action amount to just a happy pile of sh… shoulds.

These “I should … ” statements are weasel words that neither inspire nor encourage. Instead, we exile ourselves to be mired in mediocrity.

As a result, we’re off-purpose, stuck in some mental twilight zone instead of being reality based. The state of being shrinks our possibilities which limits our opportunities. We run the risk of opening an entirely new set of shoulds as we cascade downhill in our delusion. Being on a downward off-purpose trajectory widens gap between our wants and our desire. Such dismissive self-talk becomes a welcome mat for personal irresponsibility–the complete opposite of being on-purpose where one assumes full responsibility for one’s thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, attitudes, and choices.

Living in the “I should…” place carries negative practical and emotional consequences. We begin living in a scarcity or hoarding state of being. Seeds of pessimism, paranoia, and depression take root in the bed of our brain. Such weeds to wisdom invade our growing garden of purpose, vision, missions, and values. Our capacity to serve and to give freely is choked off and bears little fruit.

But wait, it gets worse! When the delusion of “I should…” is fully into bloom it produces an even more virulent strain called “You should…” Now the hands on the steering wheel of control have been fully removed and the horror of blaming other for one’s condition comes crashing into the psyche of distress. We hear words like:

• “The world is conspiring against me.”
• “If only they would…, then I could…”

This isn’t the point of no return, but it is looking over the edge to emotional destruction. And sadly, you already have in mind the name of someone who resembles this mental state.

All because of shoulding on oneself!

What To Do About Should

Here’s a few ways you can be mindful of the subtle dangers of should.

1. Strike should from your vocabulary whether talking to yourself, to someone else, or about what “they” need to do. People of strength, which on-purpose persons are, don’t mince their words by shoulding on themselves, their condition, or others.
2. Your purpose is the antidote for off-purpose thinking and expression. The more you live proactively into your purpose, the less space exists for should.
3. When you catch yourself saying, “I should” replace those words with their improper effect. Instead (pardon me), say, “I shit on myself,” because that’s the metaphorical aftermath of cultivating such talk. Yes, it’s a gross image to conjure up, but until you have a visceral negative reaction, you’ll keep shoulding on yourself.
4. Change your words to statements of fact. Replace “should’ with “need to.” In the pairings below, which statements are more believable and powerful? The first are wishful thinking and the second are neutral statements of truth. Compare these even to the statement of commitment that goes, “I will…”

• “I should lose 20 pounds.” Or “I need to lose 20 pounds.”
• “I should call my mother.” Or “I need to call my mother.”
• “I should get a better job.” Or “I need to find a better job.”

Words are formed by thoughts before they are uttered by the lips. They reveal us in subtle ways. Your 2-word purpose is powerful because as they move from your unconsciousness into your consciousness your best thinking, that which is by definition good, is emerging more frequently. Instead of being full of “should,” you’re full of good.

Read the final three paragraphs of John F. Kennedy’s 1961 inauguration:

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country. 

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. 

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God’s work must truly be our own.

What an inspiration! What a perspective! What a call to each and every one to be a net giver and not a net taker. 

Regardless of your country of residence or your political leaning, if you’ve never read (or watched) President Kennedy’s Inaugural Speech, then invest 13:43 minutes to experience the power of purpose and freedom. As an on-purpose person, these ideals and principles are as aspirational today as they were decades ago.

Of course, the Cold War with Russia / Communism was in full bloom and the world was with much clearer lines of sovereign nations but not without its on complexities. While the third from the end paragraph is the most famously quoted, the speech is riddled with remarkable lessons of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Washington DC, USA • Friday, January 20, 1961

Full Text of President Kennedy’s Famous Inaugural Speech

Vice President Johnson, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, President Eisenhower, Vice President Nixon, President Truman, reverend clergy, fellow citizens, we observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom—symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning—signifying renewal, as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly a century and three quarters ago. 

The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe—the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state, but from the hand of God. 

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans—born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage—and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world. 

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.  This much we pledge—and more. 

To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. United, there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided, there is little we can do—for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder. 

To those new States whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom—and to remember that, in the past, those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside. 

To those peoples in the huts and villages across the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required—not because the Communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. 

To our sister republics south of our border, we offer a special pledge—to convert our good words into good deeds—in a new alliance for progress—to assist free men and free governments in casting off the chains of poverty. But this peaceful revolution of hope cannot become the prey of hostile powers. Let all our neighbors know that we shall join with them to oppose aggression or subversion anywhere in the Americas. And let every other power know that this Hemisphere intends to remain the master of its own house. 

To that world assembly of sovereign states, the United Nations, our last best hope in an age where the instruments of war have far outpaced the instruments of peace, we renew our pledge of support—to prevent it from becoming merely a forum for invective—to strengthen its shield of the new and the weak—and to enlarge the area in which its writ may run. 

Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction. 

We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed. 

But neither can two great and powerful groups of nations take comfort from our present course—both sides overburdened by the cost of modern weapons, both rightly alarmed by the steady spread of the deadly atom, yet both racing to alter that uncertain balance of terror that stays the hand of mankind’s final war. 

So let us begin anew—remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof.

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.  Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us. 

Let both sides, for the first time, formulate serious and precise proposals for the inspection and control of arms—and bring the absolute power to destroy other nations under the absolute control of all nations. 

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce. 

Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah—to “undo the heavy burdens … and to let the oppressed go free.” 

And if a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved. 

All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. 

In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. 

Now the trumpet summons us again—not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are—but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation”—a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself. 

Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort? 

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility—I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it—and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. 

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country. 

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. 

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God’s work must truly be our own.